Evolution of Men's Personal Development | 217

What you first jerked off to defines your generation:

• Boomers: pinups and magazines

• Gen X: VHS tapes

• Millennials: p2p DVD rips

• Gen Z: infinite stream-able libraries

• Gen A: AI…?

Tech evolves. Porn becomes more stimulating.

Every new generation of boys gets more dopamine and less use of their imagination.¹

You can’t say that isn’t changing our brains.

And therefore male consciousness.

Your first orgasms set a standard.² Your sexual proclivities map to the inner workings of your mind.

In men specifically, sexual gratification ties to psychological gratification. (Our genes don’t pass on unless a woman takes them in.)

I’m of the generation that had to wait 20 minutes on Kazaa (remember Kazaa?) to download a 10 min clip of Jenna Jameson even on the fastest 1mbps DSL line.

I’m a Millennial.

I grew up with the adoption of the Internet.

I was also an early consumer of what we now call Personal Growth, and now work in the field.

So I’ve gotten to see psychological trends from the trenches.

Masculinity follows culture follows technology.

The evolution of men’s personal growth shows us us the trend of the male unconscious. While it’s great that more men than ever are interesting in improving themselves, technology’s effect on growth also separates us from our natures.

If you’re a man of any age who is into improving himself, it’s important to understand the wave you’re in that may or may not be serving you.

I summarize the 4 phases of men’s development below. The attached podcast episode goes into more depth.

Pre-Internet (1900’s-90’s)

Historical:

• The Depression gave initial incentive to “learn how to get what you want” (as opposed to general philosophy)

• Post-WWII boom (in the US) amplified learning how to get an edge over your competition. (Arguably an American value.)

Two ends of the self-help spectrum:

• Material career skills

  • Early:

    • Leadership Training (i.e. Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People)

    • Public speaking skills (i.e. Toastmasters)

    • Appealed to ambitious white collar men

  • Later:

    • Sales Training (i.e. Zig Ziglar, Brian Tracy)

    • Wealth-building (i.e. Rich Dad, Poor Dad)

    • Relationship-focus (i.e. Men Are From Mars)

• Spiritual mindset i.e. “New Thought” like Napoleon Hill, Wallace Wattles.

  • Early: “New Thought”

    • Think and Grow Rich (Hill), The Science of Getting Rich (Wattles), As a Man Thinketh (Allen), Feeling is the Secret (Goddard)

    • Introduced the idea of “manifest

  • Later: New Age

    • Mindset (Jim Rohn, Tony Robbins³, est—which became Landmark Forum)

    • Law of Attraction

    • Also sorts of New Age healing

Culturally:

• Still fairly taboo to seek “self-help”—especially for men

• Less stigma for women, so modern Self Help developed more oriented for women—talking about feelings

• Skill development had to be tied to a socially acceptable goal—i.e. succeeding in career

Psychologically:

• One’s reference group was immediate social circle—You were lucky to find a male “mentor” via normal social life.

• A man’s field of competition/dominance hierarchy was still his immediate social circle.

• Men couldn’t be honest about their real desires.

• There wasn’t a clear space for men…

But things changes with the Internet…

Early Internet (1990’s-2000’s)

Technology changed the Hero’s Journey…

• Internet forums allow greater specialization— people can find unique interests

• Allowed people to learn in privacy … the dark corners of the Internet

  • Men’s development could niche down, since the public shame was gong

• Internet marketing developed off of early informercials and direct response snail mail:

  • Dating advice pamphlets and ebooks (i.e. Double Your Dating)

  • The most profitable campaigns could spread their ideologies the most (i.e. PUA)

Two ends:

• Material: PUA developed in secret forums

• Spiritual: Law of Attraction/Manifestation claims could become huge and hyperbolic. (Hard to find honest reviews or fact check)

• Mainstream unisex self-help seemed to have a slower uptake to online marketing.

Culturally:

• Men’s Personal Development could finally detach from unisex

• Marketing drove certain memes into collective belief:

  • “Cold Approaching” via PUA

  • “Polarity” via spiritual guys like David Deida and mainstream like John Gray.

Psychologically:

• Male wounds and desires could be validated in a way that had never been before.

• Hopeful fantasy: “I will have this edge over every other man I know”

Social Media (2010’s-20’s)

Social Proof replaces secrecy

• Likes, comments, view counts show that you’re not alone

• Secret communities, not so secret

• Social media algorithms reward extremism (making the moderate majority seem like a minority)

Purely tangible promises evolved into philosophical needs

• PUA » Red Pill

• Jordan Peterson bridged gap between “man stuff” and exploring emotions

• David Deida » whole industry of semi-spiritual men’s coaching

• Self-help claims needed science backing (John Gray style » Pop psych like Attached)

Culturally:

• Taboo shifted… Men’s development now standard

• Performative aspect to everything

Psychologically:

• False perception of population—social media feeds are personalized to you, but seem like they represent everyone

• Now men perceive they are in competition with ALL men

Artificial Intelligence (2020’s-??)

We’re just starting this phase, so here’s what we can see already:

• AI creates Solipsism—As the algorithms reward engagement, AI trains itself validate your existing worldview.

• People who use AI for emotional support are going to go deeper into their delusions and neuroses. (This can change in the future, but that’s how it is now.)

• It will be increasingly easier to live in a false reality.

If trends continue:

• The top “influencers” will be bots—They will validate human fears, beliefs, pains, and offer guidance that resonates better than human. (Resonating doesn’t mean it’s true or useful.)

• Pubescent boys will seek these robots for guidance, like robo-Tates

• More and more men will be functional incels (or voluntary celibates—volcels?) because they can get their needs met through tech and not real people.

• The Pareto elite of men raised naturally will have greater and greater advantages over the masses to the point of almost being different species. (Those who get farmed will have less mental horsepower and likely poor fertility.)

So if you’re a man, spend less time on screens. More living by natural law.

If you have a son, do your best to raise them this way too.

I don’t like where things are headed for the masses. But there are opportunities for the few that can resist becoming automatons.

At very least, try to use your imagination when you rub one out.

NPR on NoFap: Society encourages men to stay boys | 187

1. Aside from obvious kind of impotence, high external stimulation can lead to creative impotence.

The principle is the same: The more you RELY on external forces to create your experience, the less you can create experience from within.

Over use of screens rob us of creativity, intuition, and emotional self-sufficiency.

But that’s another topic entirely…

2. A 1998 study tried to get goats and sheep prefer the opposite species sexually. The females went back to their species (as nature intended) when given the chance. But the males were forever conditioned to only want to mate the way they were raises (to the wrong species).

Kendrick, K. M., Hinton, M. R., Atkins, K. A., Haupt, M. A. & Skinner, J. D. Mothers determine sexual preferences. Nature 395, 229–230 (1998).

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/13534993_Mothers_determine_sexual_preference?

3. Mindset guys like Tony Robbins bridged the gap between spiritual and material self-help. The tangible outcome promises helped him capture market share, and therefore influence the collective consciousness.